1.Mike:Mum,I want to watch TV.
Mum:There is no electricity tonight.
Mike:Then let's watch TVwith a candie on.
2.The Fish Net
"Can you tell me what fish net is made,Ann?"
"A lot of little holes tied together with strings."replied the little girl.
3.Little Robert asked his mother for two cents."What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman,"he answered.
"You're a good boy,"said the mother proudly."Here are two cents more.But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
4.I've Just Bitten My Tongue
"Are we poisonous?"the young snake asked his mother.
"Yes,dear,"she replied-"Why do you ask?"
"Cause I've just bitten my tongue!"
5.A Woman Who Fell
It was rush hour and I was dashing to a train in New York City's Grand Central Terminal-As I neared the gate,a plump,middle-aged woman sprinted up from behind,lost her footing on the smooth marble floor and slid onto her back.Her momentum carried her close to my shoes.Before I could help her,however,she had scrambled up.Gaining her composure,she winked at me and said,"Do you always have beautiful women failing at your feet?"
6.He is really somebody
--My uncle has 1000 men under him.
--He is really somebody.What does he do?
--A maintenance man in a cemetery.
7.Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States,she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her.At the bank counter,the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real.It made the old lady out of patience.
At last she could not hold any more,uttering."Trust me,Sir,and trust the money.They are real US dollars.They are directly from America."
8.my little dog can't read
Mrs.Brown:Oh,my dear,I have lost my precious little dog!
Mrs.Smith:But you must put an advertisement in the papers!
Mrs.Brown:It's no use,my little dog can't read.
9.Bring me the winner
—-Waiter,this lobster has only one claw.
--I'm sorry,sir.It must have been in a fight.
--Well,bring me the winner then.
A bit of advice for those about to retire.If you are only 65,never move to a retirement community.Everybody else is n their 70s,80s,or 90s.So when something has to be moved,lifted or loaded,they yell,"Get the kid."