50个英语笑话爆笑

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笑话的素材源于生活,为枯燥的生活添加一点乐趣。下面一篇是非常经典的“50个英语笑话爆笑”笑话,希望你们喜欢哦,我们希望能给大家传递更多的快乐,更多的欢乐。

英语幽默小笑话

He Won Tommy:How is your little brother,Johnny?Johnny:He is ill in bed.He hurt himself.Tommy:That's too bad.How did that happen?Johnny:We played who could lean furthest out of the window,and he won.他赢了汤姆:约翰尼,你小弟弟好吗?约翰尼:他害病卧床了。

他受了伤。

汤姆:真糟糕,怎么回事儿?约翰尼:我们做游戏,看谁能把身子探出窗外最远,他赢了。

I Have His Ear in My Pocket Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked,"What happened?""A kid bit me,"replied Ivan."Would you recognize him if you saw him again?"asked his mother."I'd know him any where,"said Ivan."I have his ear in my pocket."他的耳朵在我衣兜里伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。

他妈妈问,“发生了什么事?”“一个男孩咬了我一口,”伊凡说。

“再见到他你能认出来吗?”妈妈问。

“他走到哪里我都能认出他,”伊凡说。

“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。

”A Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for two cents."What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?""I gave it to a poor old woman,"he answered."You're a good boy,"said the mother proudly."Here are two cents more.But why are you so interested in the old woman?""She is the one who sells the candy."好孩子小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。

“昨天给你的钱干什么了?”“我给了一个可怜的老太婆,”他回答说。

“你真是个好孩子,”妈妈骄傲地说。

“再给你两分钱。

可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢?”“她是个卖糖果的。

”英语小笑话上个星期五我穿了一件Adidas的衣服去打球,一个老美看到就笑我说,"Do you know what does it mean?It means All Day I Dream About Sex.我整天都在想著性,缩写正好是Adidas)"我正惊讶他怎么反应这么快,联想力这么丰富时,旁边的一个老美帮我解围,他说,有一个很著名的合唱团Korn,他们的招牌歌之一就是A.D.I.D.A.S,(All day I dream about sex)所以呢,这个典故可是很多老美都耳熟能详的喔!下次就换你去取笑老美了Drunk One day,a father and his little son were going home.At this age,the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions.Now,he asked,"What's the meaning of the word'Drunk',dad?""Well,my son,"his father replied,"look,there are standing two policemen.If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk.""But,dad,"the boy said,"there's only ONE policeman!"醉酒一天,父亲与小儿子一道回家。

这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄,老是有提不完的问题。

他向父亲发问道:“爸爸,‘醉’字是什么意思?”“唔,孩子,”父亲回答说,“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。

如果我把他们看成了四个,那么我就算醉了。

”“可是,爸爸,”孩子说,“那儿只有一个警察呀!”

英语小笑话

英语笑话(一)Q:What's the difference between a monkey and a flea?A:A monkey can have fleas,but a flea can't have monkeys.猴子会和跳蚤有什么不同呢?你可能会直接的想到它们俩是一大一小。

但除此之外呢,那就是猴子身上可以长跳蚤,而跳蚤身上却不能有猴子。

这个答案很有意思吧?Q:How can you most irritate a farmer?A:By treading on his corn?如果你踩了农夫的玉米或是谷物,他肯定会生气的;而如果你踩了农夫脚底的鸡眼,他会更生气。

Corn既可以表示“玉米/谷物”,也有“鸡眼”的意思。

Q:Which is the strongest creature in the world?A:The snail.It carries its house on its back.因为snail(蜗牛)的后背上总是背着一所房子,所以说蜗牛是世界上最强壮的生物是不足为奇的。

你说呢?Q:What do people do in a clock factory?A:They make faces all day.一看到make faces这个短语,你可千万别以为是在钟表厂工作的人整天都做鬼脸呀!因为除了这个意思以外,它还可以从字面上解释为制造钟面。

Q:How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep?A:Keep him awake.怎样才能不让梦游者(sleepwalker)梦游(walk in his sleep)呢?最简单的方法就是不让他睡觉。

虽然这不是治疗方法,但如果让梦游者醒着呢,他的确就不会去梦游了。

英语笑话(二)He is really somebody--My uncle has 1000 men under him.--He is really somebody.What does he do?--A maintenance man in a cemetery.他真是一个大人物--我叔叔下面有1000个人。

--他真是一个大人物。

干什么的?--墓地守墓人。

英语笑话(三)Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States,she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her.At the bank counter,the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real.It made the old lady out of patience.At last she could not hold any more,uttering."Trust me,Sir,and trust the money.They are real US dollars.They are directly from America."它们是从美国直接带来的一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久,到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元。

在银行柜台,银行职员认真检查了每一张钞票,看是否有假。

这种做法让老妇人很不耐烦,最后实在忍耐不住说:“相信我,先生,也请你相信这些钞票。

这都是真正的美元,它们是从美国直接带来的。

”英语笑话(四)my little dog can't read Mrs.Brown:Oh,my dear,I have lost my precious little dog!Mrs.Smith:But you must put an advertisement in the papers!Mrs.Brown:It's no use,my little dog can't read.我的狗不识字布朗夫人:哦,亲爱的,我把珍爱的小狗给丢了!史密斯夫人:可是你该在报纸上登广告啊!布朗夫人:没有用的,我的小狗不认识字。

”英语笑话(五)Bring me the winner--Waiter,this lobster has only one claw.--I'm sorry,sir.It must have been in a fight.--Well,bring me the winner then.给我那个打赢的吧--服务员,这个龙虾只有一只爪。

--对不起,先生,这只肯定打过架了。

--哦,那给我那个打赢的吧。

英语笑话(六)The mean man's party.The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party.Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment,he said,"Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow.When the door open,push with your foot.""Why use my elbow and foot?""Well,gosh,"was the reply,"You're not coming empty-hangded,are you?"吝啬鬼请客一个出了名的吝啬鬼终于决定要请一次客了。

他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说:“你上到五楼,找中间那个门,然后用你的胳膊肘按门铃。

门开了之后,再用你的脚把门推开。

”“为什么要用我的肘和脚呢?”“你的双手得拿礼物啊。

天哪,你总不会空着手来吧?”吝啬鬼回答。

英语笑话(七)Advice for"Kid"A bit of advice for those about to retire.If you are only 65,never move to a retirement community.Everybody else is n their 70s,80s,or 90s.So when something has to be moved,lifted or loaded,they yell,"Get the kid."忠告“年轻者”这里想对将要退休者提一点忠告。

如果你只有65岁的话,千万别进退休社区。

因为那里人人都七八十岁或者八九十岁了。

每当要搬东西,抬东西或者装东西时,他们就叫喊,“让小的干吧。

”英语笑话(八)Which woman?One evening I drove my husband's car to the shopping mall.On my return,I noticed that how dusty the outside of his car was and cleaned it up a bit.When I finally entered the house,I called out."The woman who loves you the most in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield."My husband looked up and said,"Mom's here?"哪一位女人?一天晚上我开着丈夫的车去购物,回来后发现车身沾满灰尘,于是擦洗了一阵。

当我终于走进屋里时大声喊:“世界上最爱你的女人刚擦洗了你的车灯和挡风玻璃。

”我丈夫抬头看了看,说:“妈妈来了?”英语笑话...

英语小笑话

英语笑话(一)Q:What's the difference between a monkey and a flea?A:A monkey can have fleas,but a flea can't have monkeys.猴子会和跳蚤有什么不同呢?你可能会直接的想到它们俩是一大一小。

但除此之外呢,那就是猴子身上可以长跳蚤,而跳蚤身上却不能有猴子。

这个答案很有意思吧?Q:How can you most irritate a farmer?A:By treading on his corn?如果你踩了农夫的玉米或是谷物,他肯定会生气的;而如果你踩了农夫脚底的鸡眼,他会更生气。

Corn既可以表示“玉米/谷物”,也有“鸡眼”的意思。

Q:Which is the strongest creature in the world?A:The snail.It carries its house on its back.因为snail(蜗牛)的后背上总是背着一所房子,所以说蜗牛是世界上最强壮的生物是不足为奇的。

你说呢?Q:What do people do in a clock factory?A:They make faces all day.一看到make faces这个短语,你可千万别以为是在钟表厂工作的人整天都做鬼脸呀!因为除了这个意思以外,它还可以从字面上解释为制造钟面。

Q:How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep?A:Keep him awake.怎样才能不让梦游者(sleepwalker)梦游(walk in his sleep)呢?最简单的方法就是不让他睡觉。

虽然这不是治疗方法,但如果让梦游者醒着呢,他的确就不会去梦游了。

英语笑话(二)He is really somebody--My uncle has 1000 men under him.--He is really somebody.What does he do?--A maintenance man in a cemetery.他真是一个大人物--我叔叔下面有1000个人。

--他真是一个大人物。

干什么的?--墓地守墓人。

英语笑话(三)Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States,she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her.At the bank counter,the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real.It made the old lady out of patience.At last she could not hold any more,uttering."Trust me,Sir,and trust the money.They are real US dollars.They are directly from America."它们是从美国直接带来的一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久,到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元。

在银行柜台,银行职员认真检查了每一张钞票,看是否有假。

这种做法让老妇人很不耐烦,最后实在忍耐不住说:“相信我,先生,也请你相信这些钞票。

这都是真正的美元,它们是从美国直接带来的。

”英语笑话(四)my little dog can't read Mrs.Brown:Oh,my dear,I have lost my precious little dog!Mrs.Smith:But you must put an advertisement in the papers!Mrs.Brown:It's no use,my little dog can't read.我的狗不识字布朗夫人:哦,亲爱的,我把珍爱的小狗给丢了!史密斯夫人:可是你该在报纸上登广告啊!布朗夫人:没有用的,我的小狗不认识字。

”英语笑话(五)Bring me the winner--Waiter,this lobster has only one claw.--I'm sorry,sir.It must have been in a fight.--Well,bring me the winner then.给我那个打赢的吧--服务员,这个龙虾只有一只爪。

--对不起,先生,这只肯定打过架了。

--哦,那给我那个打赢的吧。

英语笑话(六)The mean man's party.The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party.Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment,he said,"Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow.When the door open,push with your foot.""Why use my elbow and foot?""Well,gosh,"was the reply,"You're not coming empty-hangded,are you?"吝啬鬼请客一个出了名的吝啬鬼终于决定要请一次客了。

他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说:“你上到五楼,找中间那个门,然后用你的胳膊肘按门铃。

门开了之后,再用你的脚把门推开。

”“为什么要用我的肘和脚呢?”“你的双手得拿礼物啊。

天哪,你总不会空着手来吧?”吝啬鬼回答。

英语笑话(七)Advice for"Kid"A bit of advice for those about to retire.If you are only 65,never move to a retirement community.Everybody else is n their 70s,80s,or 90s.So when something has to be moved,lifted or loaded,they yell,"Get the kid."忠告“年轻者”这里想对将要退休者提一点忠告。

如果你只有65岁的话,千万别进退休社区。

因为那里人人都七八十岁或者八九十岁了。

每当要搬东西,抬东西或者装东西时,他们就叫喊,“让小的干吧。

”英语笑话(八)Which woman?One evening I drove my husband's car to the shopping mall.On my return,I noticed that how dusty the outside of his car was and cleaned it up a bit.When I finally entered the house,I called out."The woman who loves you the most in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield."My husband looked up and said,"Mom's here?"哪一位女人?一天晚上我开着丈夫的车去购物,回来后发现车身沾满灰尘,于是擦洗了一阵。

当我终于走进屋里时大声喊:“世界上最爱你的女人刚擦洗了你的车灯和挡风玻璃。

”我丈夫抬头看了看,说:“妈妈来了?”英语笑话...

英语幽默笑话2篇

Good BoyLittle Robert asked his mother for two cents."What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?""I gave it to a poor old woman,"he answered."You're a good boy,"said the mother proudly."Here are two cents more.But why are you so interested in the old woman?""She is the one who sells the candy."好孩子小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。

“昨天给你的钱干什么了?”“我给了一个可怜的老太婆,”他回答说。

“你真是个好孩子,”妈妈骄傲地说。

“再给你两分钱。

可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢?”“她是个卖糖果的。

”Nest and HairMy sister,a primary school teacher,was informed by one of her pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom."What kind of bird?"my sister asked."I didn't see the bird,ma'am,only the nest,"replied the child."Then,can you give us a description of the nest?"my sister encouraged her."Well,ma'am,it just resembles your hair."Notes:(1)inform v.告诉(2)nest n.窝;巢(3)description n.描述(4)encourage v.鼓励(5)resemble v.相似;类似18.鸟窝与头发我姐姐是一位小学老师。

一次一个学生告诉她说一只鸟儿在教室外的树上垒了个窝。

“是什么鸟呢?”我姐姐问她。

“我没看到鸟儿,老师,只看到鸟窝。

”那孩子回答说。

“那么,你能给我们描述一下这个鸟巢吗?”我姐姐鼓励她道。

“哦,老师,就像你的头发一样。

”I've Just Bitten My Tongue"Are we poisonous?"the young snake asked his mother."Yes,dear,"she replied-"Why do you ask?""Cause I've just bitten my tongue!"Notes:(1)poisonous adj.有毒的(2)Cause I've just bitten my tongue因为我刚咬了自己的舌头。

句中Cause是Because的缩略形式。

我刚咬破自己的舌头“我们有毒吗?”一个年幼的蛇问它的母亲。

“是的,亲爱的,”她回答说,“你问这个干什么?”“因为我刚刚咬破自己的舌头。

”A Woman Who FellIt was rush hour and I was dashing to a train in New York City's Grand Central Terminal-As I neared the gate,a plump,middle-aged woman sprinted up from behind,lost her footing on the smooth marble floor and slid onto her back.Her momentum carried her close to my shoes.Before I could help her,however,she had scrambled up.Gaining her composure,she winked at me and said,"Do you always have beautiful women failing at your feet?"摔倒的女人上下班高峰期,我匆匆奔向纽约豪华中心站去赶一趟火车。

接近门口,一位肥胖的中年妇女从后面冲过来,没想到在平滑的大理石地面上失了脚,仰面滑倒了。

她的惯性使她接近了我的脚。

我正准备扶她,她却自己爬了起来。

她镇定了一下,对我挤了一下眉,说道:“总是有漂亮女人拜倒在你脚下吗?”英语笑话(一)Q:What's the difference between a monkey and a flea?A:A monkey can have fleas,but a flea can't have monkeys.猴子会和跳蚤有什么不同呢?你可能会直接的想到它们俩是一大一小。

但除此之外呢,那就是猴子身上可以长跳蚤,而跳蚤身上却不能有猴子。

这个答案很有意思吧?Q:How can you most irritate a farmer?A:By treading on his corn?如果你踩了农夫的玉米或是谷物,他肯定会生气的;而如果你踩了农夫脚底的鸡眼,他会更生气。

Corn既可以表示“玉米/谷物”,也有“鸡眼”的意思。

Q:Which is the strongest creature in the world?A:The snail.It carries its house on its back.因为snail(蜗牛)的后背上总是背着一所房子,所以说蜗牛是世界上最强壮的生物是不足为奇的。

你说呢?Q:What do people do in a clock factory?A:They make faces all day.一看到make faces这个短语,你可千万别以为是在钟表厂工作的人整天都做鬼脸呀!因为除了这个意思以外,它还可以从字面上解释为制造钟面。

Q:How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep?A:Keep him awake.怎样才能不让梦游者(sleepwalker)梦游(walk in his sleep)呢?最简单的方法就是不让他睡觉。

虽然这不是治疗方法,但如果让梦游者醒着呢,他的确就不会去梦游了。

英语笑话(二)He is really somebody--My uncle has 1000 men under him.--He is really somebody.What does he do?--A maintenance man in a cemetery.他真是一个大人物--我叔叔下面有1000个人。

--他真是一个大人物。

干什么的?--墓地守墓人。

英语笑话(三)Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States,she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her.At the bank counter,the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real.It made the old lady out of patience.At last she could not hold any more,uttering."Trust me,Sir,and trust the money.They are real US dollars.They are directly from America."它们是从美国直接带来的一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久,到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元。

在银行柜台...

求英语笑话

English:who's heart is better A man has a heart attack and is brought to the hospital.The doctor tells him that he will not live unless he has a heart transplant right away."you're in luck,two hearts just became available,so you will get to choose which one you want.One belongs to an attorney and the other to a social worker".The man quickly responds,"the attorney's"."Wait!Don't you want to know a little about them before you make your decision?"The man says,"I already know enough.Social workers have bleeding hearts and the attorney's probably never used his.So I'll take the attorney's!"中文:谁的心更好?一个人心脏病突发被送进了医院。

医生告诉他除非马上做心脏移植手术,否则他将活不成了。

“你很幸运,我们刚好有两个心脏在这儿,所以你必须选择其中一个。

它们分别属于一个律师和一个社会工作者。

”病人很快回答:”律师的那个。

”“等等!在作决定之前,难道你不需要了解多一点他们的情况吗?”病人说:“我知道的够多的了。

社会工作者都是热心人,而律师可能从来都没有用过他的良心。

所以我选择律师的心脏。

求有好笑的英语笑话

Money is not everything.There's MasterCard&Visa.钞票不是万能的,有时还需要信用卡.One should love animals.They are so tasty.每个人都应该热爱动物,因为它们很好吃.Save water.Shower with your girlfriend.要节约用水,尽量和女友一起洗澡.Love the neighbor.But don't get caught.要用心去爱你的邻居,不过不要让她的老公知道.Behind every successful woman,there is a man.And behind every unsuccessful man,there are two.每个成功男人的背后,都有一个女人.每个不成功男人的背后,都有两个.Every man should marry.After all,happiness is not the only thing in life.再快乐的单身汉迟早也会结婚,幸福不是永久的嘛.The wise never marry,And when they marry they become otherwise.聪明人都是未婚的,结婚的人很难再聪明起来.Success is a relative term.It brings so many relatives.成功是一个相关名词,他会给你带来很多不相关的亲戚(联系).Never put off the work till tomorrow what you can put off today.不要等明天交不上差再找借口,今天就要找好.Love is photogenic.It needs darkness to develop.爱情就象照片,需要大量的暗房时间来培养.Children in backseats cause accidents.Accidents in backseats cause children.后排座位上的小孩会生出意外,后排座位上的意外会生出小孩."Your future depends on your dreams."So go to sleep."现在的梦想决定着你的将来",所以还是再睡一会吧.There should be a better way to start a day than waking up every morning.应该有更好的方式开始新一天,而不是千篇一律的在每个上午都醒来."Hard work never killed anybody."But why take the risk?努力工作不会导致死亡!不过我不会用自己去证明."Work fascinates me."I can look at it for hours!工作好有意思耶!尤其是看着别人工作.God made relatives;Thank God we can choose our friends.神决定了谁是你的亲戚,幸运的是在选择朋友方面他给了你留了余地.When two's company,three's the result!两个人的状态是不稳定的,三个人才是!A dress is like a barbed fence.It protects the premises without restricting the view.服饰就象铁丝网,它阻止你冒然行动但并不妨碍你尽情的观看.The more you learn,the more you know,The more you know,the more you forget.The more you forget,the less you know.So why bother to learn.学的越多,知道的越多,知道的越多,忘记的越多,忘记的越多,知道的越少,为什么学来着?老师:"你会不会?!""会会,我会,请别罚我站"老师:"那好,请告诉我澳大利亚的位置.""这个......我知道,我个人认为是在火星上,我如果说错了,请老师指教......"He Won Tommy:How is your little brother,Johnny?Johnny:He is ill in bed.He hurt himself.Tommy:That's too bad.How did that happen?Johnny:We played who could lean furthest out of the window,and he won.他赢了汤姆:约翰尼,你小弟弟好吗?约翰尼:他害病卧床了。

他受了伤。

汤姆:真糟糕,怎么回事儿?约翰尼:我们做游戏,看谁能把身子探出窗外最远,他赢了。

I Have His Ear in My Pocket Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked,"What happened?""A kid bit me,"replied Ivan."Would you recognize him if you saw him again?"asked his mother."I'd know him any where,"said Ivan."I have his ear in my pocket."他的耳朵在我衣兜里伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。

他妈妈问,“发生了什么事?”“一个男孩咬了我一口,”伊凡说。

“再见到他你能认出来吗?”妈妈问。

“他走到哪里我都能认出他,”伊凡说。

“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。

”A Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for two cents."What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?""I gave it to a poor old woman,"he answered."You're a good boy,"said the mother proudly."Here are two cents more.But why are you so interested in the old woman?""She is the one who sells the candy."好孩子小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。

“昨天给你的钱干什么了?”“我给了一个可怜的老太婆,”他回答说。

“你真是个好孩子,”妈妈骄傲地说。

“再给你两分钱。

可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢?”“她是个卖糖果的。

”Drunk One day,a father and his little son were going home.At this age,the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions.Now,he asked,"What's the meaning of the word'Drunk',dad?""Well,my son,"his father replied,"look,there are standing two policemen.If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk.""But,dad,"the boy said,"there's only ONE policeman!"醉酒一天,父亲与小儿子一道回家。

这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄,老是有提不完的问题。

他向父亲发问道:“爸爸,‘醉’字是什么意思?”“唔,孩子,”父亲回答说,“你瞧那儿站着两个...

找英语笑话...稍微长一点的,带翻译的...

A Life for a Life以“命”抵命The English author,Richard Savage,was once living inLondon in great poverty.In order to earn a little money he hadwritten the story of his life,but not many copies of the bookhad been sold in the shops,and Savage was living from hand tomouth.As a result of his lack of food he became very ill,butafter a time,owing to the skill of the doctor who had lookedafter him,he got well again.After a week or two the doctorsent a bill to Savage for his visits,but poor Savage hadn't anymoney and couldn't pay it.The doctor waited for another month and sent the bill again.But still no money came.Afterseveral weeks he sent it to him again asking for his money.Inthe end he came to Savage's house and asked him for payment,saying to Savage,“You know you owe your life to me and Iexpected some gratitude from you.”“I agree,”said Savage,“that I owe my life to you,and toprove to you that I am not ungrateful for your work I will givemy life to you.”With these words he handed to him two volumes entitled,The life of Richard Savage.以“命”抵命英国作家理查德·萨维奇一度在伦敦过着贫困潦倒的生活,为了赚几个钱,他曾写了有关他自己生平的故事。

但是这部书在书店里并没有卖出几本,萨维奇过着朝不保夕的日子。

由于缺乏食物,他病得很厉害。

后来,由于给他治疗的那个医生的高明医术,他才又恢复了健康。

过了一两个星期之后,医生给萨维奇送来了一张讨要诊费的帐单,但是贫穷的萨维奇没有钱来偿付。

医生等了一个月后又送来了帐单,但仍然未索回分文。

几个星期之后,他又送来帐单要钱。

最后,医生本人来到了萨维奇的家中,对他说:“你明白,你是欠我一条命的,我希望你有所报答。

”“是的,”萨维奇说,“我是欠你一条命,为了向你证明我对你的诊治不是不报答,我将把我的命给你。

”说着这番话,萨维奇递给医生两卷书,名叫《理查德·萨维奇的一生》。

展开

简单的英语笑话

Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for two cents."What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?""I gave it to a poor old woman,"he answered."You're a good boy,"said the mother proudly."Here are two cents more.But why are you so interested in the old woman?""She is the one who sells the candy."好孩子小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。

“昨天给你的钱干什么了?”“我给了一个可怜的老太婆,”他回答说。

“你真是个好孩子,”妈妈骄傲地说。

“再给你两分钱。

可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢?”“她是个卖糖果的。

”Nest and Hair My sister,a primary school teacher,was informed by one of her pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom."What kind of bird?"my sister asked."I didn't see the bird,ma'am,only the nest,"replied the child."Then,can you give us a description of the nest?"my sister encouraged her."Well,ma'am,it just resembles your hair."Notes:(1)inform v.告诉(2)nest n.窝;巢(3)description n.描述(4)encourage v.鼓励(5)resemble v.相似;类似18.鸟窝与头发我姐姐是一位小学老师。

一次一个学生告诉她说一只鸟儿在教室外的树上垒了个窝。

“是什么鸟呢?”我姐姐问她。

“我没看到鸟儿,老师,只看到鸟窝。

”那孩子回答说。

“那么,你能给我们描述一下这个鸟巢吗?”我姐姐鼓励她道。

“哦,老师,就像你的头发一样。

”I've Just Bitten My Tongue"Are we poisonous?"the young snake asked his mother."Yes,dear,"she replied-"Why do you ask?""Cause I've just bitten my tongue!"Notes:(1)poisonous adj.有毒的(2)Cause I've just bitten my tongue因为我刚咬了自己的舌头。

句中Cause是Because的缩略形式。

我刚咬破自己的舌头“我们有毒吗?”一个年幼的蛇问它的母亲。

“是的,亲爱的,”她回答说,“你问这个干什么?”“因为我刚刚咬破自己的舌头。

”A Woman Who Fell It was rush hour and I was dashing to a train in New York City's Grand Central Terminal-As I neared the gate,a plump,middle-aged woman sprinted up from behind,lost her footing on the smooth marble floor and slid onto her back.Her momentum carried her close to my shoes.Before I could help her,however,she had scrambled up.Gaining her composure,she winked at me and said,"Do you always have beautiful women failing at your feet?"摔倒的女人上下班高峰期,我匆匆奔向纽约豪华中心站去赶一趟火车。

接近门口,一位肥胖的中年妇女从后面冲过来,没想到在平滑的大理石地面上失了脚,仰面滑倒了。

她的惯性使她接近了我的脚。

我正准备扶她,她却自己爬了起来。

她镇定了一下,对我挤了一下眉,说道:“总是有漂亮女人拜倒在你脚下吗?”英语笑话(一)Q:What's the difference between a monkey and a flea?A:A monkey can have fleas,but a flea can't have monkeys.猴子会和跳蚤有什么不同呢?你可能会直接的想到它们俩是一大一小。

但除此之外呢,那就是猴子身上可以长跳蚤,而跳蚤身上却不能有猴子。

这个答案很有意思吧?Q:How can you most irritate a farmer?A:By treading on his corn?如果你踩了农夫的玉米或是谷物,他肯定会生气的;而如果你踩了农夫脚底的鸡眼,他会更生气。

Corn既可以表示“玉米/谷物”,也有“鸡眼”的意思。

Q:Which is the strongest creature in the world?A:The snail.It carries its house on its back.因为snail(蜗牛)的后背上总是背着一所房子,所以说蜗牛是世界上最强壮的生物是不足为奇的。

你说呢?Q:What do people do in a clock factory?A:They make faces all day.一看到make faces这个短语,你可千万别以为是在钟表厂工作的人整天都做鬼脸呀!因为除了这个意思以外,它还可以从字面上解释为制造钟面。

Q:How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep?A:Keep him awake.怎样才能不让梦游者(sleepwalker)梦游(walk in his sleep)呢?最简单的方法就是不让他睡觉。

虽然这不是治疗方法,但如果让梦游者醒着呢,他的确就不会去梦游了。

英语笑话(二)He is really somebody--My uncle has 1000 men under him.--He is really somebody.What does he do?--A maintenance man in a cemetery.他真是一个大人物--我叔叔下面有1000个人。

--他真是一个大人物。

干什么的?--墓地守墓人。

英语笑话(三)Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States,she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her.At the bank counter,the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real.It made the old lady out of patience.At last she could not hold any more,uttering."Trust me,Sir,and trust the money.They are real US dollars.They are directly from America."它们是从美国直接带来的一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久,到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元。

在银...

最简单的英语笑话

I'll See to the Rest A guard was about to signal his train to start when he saw an attractive girl standing on the platform by an open door,talking to another pretty girl inside the carriage."Come on,miss!"he shouted."Shut the door,please!""Oh,I just want to kiss my sister goodbye,"she called back."You just shut that door,please,"called the guard,"and I'll see to the rest."其余的事由我负责一位车上的列车员刚发出信号让火车启动,这时他看见一位很漂亮的姑娘站在站台上一节打开的车厢门旁边,跟车厢里另一位漂亮姑娘在说话。

“快点,小姐!”他喊道:“请把门关上。

”“噢,我还没有和妹妹吻别呢。

”她回答道。

“请把门关上好了,”列车员说:“其余的事由我负责。

”Sleeping Pills Bob was having trouble getting to sleep at night.He went to see his doctor,who prescribed some extra-strong sleeping pills.Sunday night Bob took the pills,slept well and was awake before he heard the alarm.He took his time getting to the office,strolled in and said to his boss:"I didn't have a bit of trouble getting up this morning.""That's fine,"roared the boss,"but where were you Monday and Tuesday?"安眠药鲍勃晚上失眠。

他去看医生,医生给他开了一些强力安眠药。

星期天晚上鲍勃吃了药,睡得很好,在闹钟响之前就醒了过来。

他到了办公室,遛达进去,对老板说:“我今天早上起床一点麻烦都没有。

”“好啊!”老板吼道,“那你星期一和星期二到哪儿去了?”A Smugglar The suspicious-looking man drove up to the border,where he was greeted by a sentry.When the guard looked in the trunk,he was surprised to find six sacks bulging at the seams."What's in here?"he asked."Dirt,"the driver replied."Take them out,"the guard instructed."I want to check them."Obliging,the man removed the bags,and sure enough,each one of them contained nothing but dirt.Reluctantly,the guard let him go.A week later the man came back,and once again,the sentry looked in the truck."What's in the bags this time?"he asked."Dirt,more dirt."said the man.Not believing him,the guard checked the sacks and,once again,he found nothing but soil.The same thing happened every week for six months,and it finally became so frustrating to the guard that he quit and became a bartender.Then one night,the suspicious-looking fellow happened to stop by for a drink.Hurrying over to him,the former guard said,"Listen,pal,drinks are on the house tonight if you'll do me a favor:Just tell me what the hell you were smuggling all that time."Grinning broadly,the man leaned close to the bartender's ear and whispered,"Cars."走私犯一个形迹可疑的人开车来到边境,哨兵迎了上去。

哨兵在检查汽车行李箱时,惊奇地发现了六个接缝处鼓得紧绷绷的大口袋。

“里面装的是什么?”他问道。

“土。

”司机回答。

“把袋子拿出来”,哨兵命令道:“我要检查。

”那人顺从地把口袋搬了出来。

确实,口袋里除了土以外,别无他特。

哨兵很不情愿地让他通过了。

一周后,那人又来了,哨兵再次检查汽车上的行李箱。

“这次袋子里装的是什么?”他问道。

“土,又运了一些土。

”那人回答。

哨兵不相信,对那些袋子又进行了检查,结果发现,除了土以外,仍旧一无所获。

同样的事情每周重演一次,一共持续了六个月。

最后,哨兵被弄得灰心丧气,干脆辞职去当了酒吧侍者。

有天夜里,那个形迹可疑的人碰巧途经酒吧,下车喝酒。

那位从前的哨兵急忙迎上前去对他说,“我说,老兄,你要是能帮我一个忙,今晚的酒就归我请客。

你能不能告诉我,那段时间你到底在走私什么东西?”那人俯身过来,凑近侍者的耳朵,裂开嘴笑嘻嘻地说:“汽车。

”Skunk"We have a skunk in the basement,"shrieked the caller to the police dispatcher."How can we get it out?""Take some bread crumbs,"said the dispatcher,"and put down a trail from the basement out to the back yard.Then leave the cellar door open."Sometime later the resident called back."Did you get rid of it?"asked the dispatcher."No,"replied the caller."Now I have two skunks in there!"臭鼬“我们的地下室里有一只臭鼬,”打电话的人对警察调度员尖叫道。

“我们怎样才能把它弄出来?”“弄一些面包屑,”调度员说,“从地下室往外铺一条小道直到后院。

然后将地下室的门打开。

”一段时间后,那位居民又将电话打了回来。

“你们将它弄出来了吗?”调度员问。

“没有,”打电话的人答道,“现在那儿有两只臭鼬了。

”Patience Angler:You've been watching me for three hours now.Why don't you try yourself?Onlooker:I haven't got the patience.耐性垂钓者:你已经盯着看了三个小时了,你干嘛不自己亲自钓呢?旁观者:我没那耐性。

Bedtime Prayers Julie was saying her bedtime prayers....

英语幽默笑话超短

英语幽默笑话如下:1.Before the final examination,Tom told his mother,"Mom,I had a dream last night that I'd passed today's exam.""Don't trust dreams,dear.It is said what you experience in dreams usually turns out to be the opposite."Mother replied."Then I do hope I'll fail the other subjects in my dream tonight,"Tom said.在期末考试之前,汤姆告诉他的母亲:“妈妈,我昨天晚上做了一个梦,梦见我通过了今天的考试。

”“不要相信梦,亲爱的。

据说梦中的经历通常与现实相反。

”妈妈答道。

“那么,我真希望在今晚的梦中,我的其他功课都不及格。

”汤姆说。

2.Big handsTeacher:If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other,what would I have?tudent:Big hands.大手老师:如果我左手上有7个桔子,右手上有8个桔子。

那么我有什么?学生:大手。

3.Teacher:If I cut a beefsteak in half and then cut the half in half,what do I get?Tommy:Quarters.Teacher:And then if I cut it twice again?Tommy:Hamburger.老师:如果我把一块牛排切成两半的两半,我能得到几块儿?汤米:四块。

老师:那我要是再切两次,我能得到什么呢?汤米:汉堡。

4.On the way home after watching a ballet performance,the kindergarten teacher asked her students what they thought of it.The smallest girl in the class said she wished the dancers were taller so that they would not have to stand on their toes all the time.在观看完芭蕾舞表演回家的路上,幼儿园老师问学生的观后感。

班上最小的女孩说,她希望舞蹈演员可以长得更高一点儿,那么他们就不用整天踮着脚尖了。

5.Correct Teacher:Jimmy,what are the three words which pupils use most often at school?Jimmy:I don't know...Teacher:Correct.很对教师:吉米,学生在学校里经常用的三个字是什么?吉米:不知道……老师:很对。

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